)
So we can all be on the same page, I am including the steps to the peer editing process:
Before Peer Editing:
1. Reread your poem; using the rubric, make any last changes before you peer edit (PE).
2. Select your PE. Note, it is best to select someone you trust and whose opinion you value. Love your friends, keep them as your friends and select someone else to be your peer editor.
3. Bring to the PE process, your poem, rubric and sense of humour!
During Peer Editing:
1. Sit side-by side with your PE.
2. The PE reads your poem and makes comments using the language from the rubric and commenting on what's working, as well as thinking where there may be room for improvement; asks questions and seeks clarification if necessary. The PE is responsible for adding their thinking to the rubric. IT IS NEVER ENOUGH TO SAY, "I like your poem" - so what... state why you liked the poeml! or "That was good!" - this is a value judgment that is best left inside your head.
3. The PE signs off on their editing work.
After Editing:
1. Poet makes the changes they agree with; and
2. Starts thinking about who their next PE will be.
*The entire process begins anew.
Please note: You can turn in your work (along with the edited versions/rubrics) once you have had at least one Peer Editing conference.
NEWS FLASH!!! If you want to take a risk, I encourage you to send your poems to me so I can post them and others can make comments (this is not true peer editing, but what a way to get feedback from potentially a lot of people!!!)
Haunting me in my dreams
ReplyDeleteI try to run
But I cannot escape
The fire of HATE
Emanating from your eyes
as you scream at me
the icy phrases you do in real life
"I want to KILL you"
"I want you to DIE'
The words sting
But i bite back the tears and keep runnning
I decide to help you with your quest
I'll kill myself if it makes you smile
I step on the stool
Toss the rope around the branch
As I tie the noose
I hear your voice
"I want to KILL you"
I jump
The rope burns like my fiery heart
Which your froze with your hands of cold black sorrow
I sharpen the knife
Ready to feel the point of the blade
I hear your voice
"I just want you to DIE"
I stab
The blood gushes out as I sink to the ground
It foams in my mouth drowning me in red despair
I load the pistol
Point it at the side of my head
I hear your voice
"DIE DIE DIE"
I pull the trigger
What should have been an instant death is not
I have a second to think of your and all the pain you made me sufffer
But then I realize
There is no need
For all those dark designs
For just by looking at you
Your body,
Your smile, your eyes
I die a little bit inside
You are my murderDOLL
Hello Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI have now read your poem at least three times and each time I read it I get something more out of it! When I think of your "snapshot", your poem is immensely clear and possesses a unique sense of flow. Your writing style overflows with emotional impact due to your thoughtful word choices, detailed descriptions and well crafted literary devices (e.g., bite back the tears; the rope burns LIKE my fiery heart; cold, black sorrow; drowning me in my own despair)
For your next steps, I would highly recommend you keep writing. You have a gift; I hope you nourish it well.
I look forward to your next poem- Ms. Minuk
NEVER GIVE UP
ReplyDeleteI’m hesitating,
One hand tied to a rope, while the other is reaching out to the light.
Should I hang on to the plan or no?
Should I cut myself loose with my untied hand and go?
I really want to go, leave this place.
But is it really worth it?
It costs too much you know, my parents would say
Do you actually want to go learn?
My answer has been the same for quite a while,
And I don’t think it will change, not in a hundred years.
My stomach is getting this feeling.
I feel like a billion butterflies are swirling,
Around and around, dancing to the sound of they’re voices.
I don’t care, I want to go
I’ll even pay for myself if I have to.
I will get a job and work part time,
To be able to go to the place I once love.
I’m hesitating,
One hand tied to a rope, while the other is reaching out to the light.
Should I actually hang on to the plan?
Or tie my other hand to the rope?
I think I will stay like this,
One hand tied to the rope,
While the other is reaching out to the light,
But I will pull harder and harder,
Hoping the rope of my parents trust will break,
And I shall be free, because I will never give up.
Hello Anonymous (Never Give Up), After careful consideration, I have decided to wait awhile before responding to your poem. I realize that by responding right away to your work, as I did the previous poem, I may inadvertently be stopping others from responding. Therefore I think it best to wait awhile.
ReplyDeleteHey... If you are reading this comment, perhaps you would consider responding to either of the poems here. Busted!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletehello anonymous (Never give up)
ReplyDeleteI've read your poem over a few times and I really like the flow. It paints a clear image in my head. "I feel like a billion butteflies are swirling" great literary device.
The Way I Loved You
ReplyDeleteEmptiness is a hollow way
too be living life
But i live that way now
hope fails me
Small to the world
i scream but nobody hears
my cries for help
i continue to bleed
Listen to the beating
Thump Thump
Emotions buzz
in different colours
You slam the door in my face
but it's not my head that hurts
Thump Thump
i stood with 11 roses in my left hand
the rose in my right completed the bouquet
But with your heartlessness they wilted
Petals falling one by one
Too small to be taken seriously
i watch my heart
as it goes down
like the titanic did all those years ago
Thump Thump
i hear it now louder than ever
my own dying pulse
Thump
Will i ever hear your voice again?
For the First Poem..... I think it is a very dark poem although it has a lot of emotional impact. At first when I started to read I was like OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! and then at the end of the poem I started to wonder what it was really about and I thought that that helped give your poem a bit of a twist. I liked the fact the you used MANY metaphors such as "the rope burns like my fiery heart" I thought that one was very effective. I thought the detail was very good. Also also I think your poem was very clear!!! I actually don't know what you can do better for next time..It was a very good poem.
ReplyDelete(the way I loved you)
ReplyDeleteI thought that your poem flowed very well. I liked the way you used the thump thump like the beating of your heart as you try to get the persons attention. Your poem is overflowing with emotion as well. I thought that your metaphors worked well with your poem and helped it give it more emotion and helped paint a picture in my mind. My favourite one was "I watched my heart go down, like the tintanic did all those years ago. I thought that was very powerful.I enjoyed your poem.
This is for the way i luved you. I was wondering if it was a metaphor for how the person you like doesn't notice you or if it was an actual event.
ReplyDeleteThis is for the first one. It seems like a bad dream you had is it?
Second poem. I don't know what it is about.
For the First Poem...I really liked your poem and I thought it had a lot of emotional impact. I also thought it was really enticing and it was like I was reading a really good book and I didn't want to put the book down. You had a good use of metaphors it your poem- the rope burns like my fiery heart- I'm still trying to figure out what the message in your poem is about. Because the message in your poem is not right there I think it is a good poem.
ReplyDeleteI am the author of murderDOLL and The Way I Loved You. Just responding to the above questions.
ReplyDeleteFor your first question, yes, the poem is metaphoricaly speaking of how the person doesn't seem to notice or care about me. The first poem isn't exaclty a dream. A person once hated me so much, no matter how nice I was to that person. Just to let you know, don't let the suicides get to you. I am perfectly happy and am absolutely not thinking about killing myself. lol.
To the first poem,
ReplyDeleteI LOVE IT.
the images are well created.. and the words seized emotional empact.
I could especially relate to the part:
"I decide to help you with your quest
I'll kill myself if it makes you smile"
The descriptions are great and powerful.
the ending has a nice twist to it.. kind of sets the tone.
next time.. you might want to try packaging the phrases even more. You want a reader to finish a poem, but stil remember EVERYTHING that happened.
.. But i have to say, it's a well written poem.
Like Ms.Minuk said.. KEEP WRITING!
[The Way I Loved You]
ReplyDeleteYour poem had emotional impact and I thought you were expressing how you feel really nicely. While I was reading your poem, I started to feel sorry for you because it sounded like the person you like has no idea that you even exist...You painted a lot of pictures in my head especially when you wrote [petals falling one by one] and the line about the titanic. I thought your poem had a lot of meaning in it and it was a really powerful poem. I really liked your poem and I can't stop reading it over and over again.
I enjoyed reading the poems above. I thought that they were well written and included alot of metaphors and literary devices. I know who wrote two out of the 3 poems.and You are very good at writing poems by the way!! Your poems painted a clear image in my mind about what you are thinking and how you are feeling. I think when you replyed to someones questions, I read them and they helped me get a better understanding of the poems. I have read all three poems so many times. I think that the authors are very good and should continue to right!! since I know who the person is now..I have so many questions about the poems but I'd rather not ask... But anyways GREAT JOB!
ReplyDeleteumm, to whom ever wrote the first poem..
ReplyDeleteI LOVE IT :)
i can soooooo relate to it :)
b e a u t i f u l ;)
Hey, it's the author of "the way i loved you" and "murderdoll" here again. just to let you all know, this following poem isn't quite finished. and i am open to any suggestions on improving it. thanks.
ReplyDeleteA Lifetime With You
ReplyDeleteA lifetime with you
is all I wish for
Sadly
I can't wish for anyhting more
as I reveal my secret
I see you,standing there
not knowing the truth
not knowing
that I love you
more than anything this world can offer
Knowing that you don't feel the same towards me
brings tears
My face becomes a waterfall
But I am not sad for long
we have a friendship bonded together
by the sweetest honey
and we will be friends to the end
no matter what
I will always be their
to protect, to help
When you are sad
I hurt
My bed turns into a sea of nails
I will do my best, to carry you
higher than the highest clouds
When you are happy
the world's greatest riches
can't bring me more joy
than to see you smile an angels smile
I will always love you
my only wish
is that you will always be
my friend
AWW THAT IS SOO SWEET!!!!! great poem! you should give it to the girl anonymously, she would love it!!!
ReplyDelete