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This is were I will post all poetry/comments from now on- Enjoy, Ms MinukApril is poetry month- Check this out!!! 30 Poets/30 Days features a new poem each day in April from top children's poets http://tinyurl.com/ct8dgo
Sadly I have received two poems from an "Anonymous" source who stated s/he wrote the poems only to discover they are from the internet. This is a form of plagiarism and will not be tolerated. The posted poem (Fifth Grade Talent Show) has been removed, the poem I received today will not be posted as it has been rejected. Your thoughts are welcomed- MM
Here is the newest poem-
ReplyDeleteA Lifetime With You
A lifetime with you
is all I wish for
Sadly
I can't wish for anyhting more
as I reveal my secret
I see you,standing there
not knowing the truth
not knowing
that I love you
more than anything this world can offer
Knowing that you don't feel the same towards me
brings tears
My face becomes a waterfall
But I am not sad for long
we have a friendship bonded together
by the sweetest honey
and we will be friends to the end
no matter what
I will always be their
to protect, to help
When you are sad
I hurt
My bed turns into a sea of nails
I will do my best, to carry you
higher than the highest clouds
When you are happy
the world's greatest riches
can't bring me more joy
than to see you smile an angels smile
I will always love you
my only wish
is that you will always be
my friend
Another one
ReplyDeleteNEVER GIVE UP
I’m hesitating,
One hand tied to a rope, while the other is reaching out to the light.
Should I hang on to the plan or no?
Should I cut myself loose with my untied hand and go?
I really want to go, leave this place.
But is it really worth it?
It costs too much you know, my parents would say
Do you actually want to go learn?
My answer has been the same for quite a while,
And I don’t think it will change, not in a hundred years.
My stomach is getting this feeling.
I feel like a billion butterflies are swirling,
Around and around, dancing to the sound of they’re voices.
I don’t care, I want to go
I’ll even pay for myself if I have to.
I will get a job and work part time,
To be able to go to the place I once love.
I’m hesitating,
One hand tied to a rope, while the other is reaching out to the light.
Should I actually hang on to the plan?
Or tie my other hand to the rope?
I think I will stay like this,
One hand tied to the rope,
While the other is reaching out to the light,
But I will pull harder and harder,
Hoping the rope of my parents trust will break,
And I shall be free, because I will never give up.
I wrote this on the other place but I think Ill write it again here:
ReplyDeleteI think that your poem is Really sweet and I enjoyed reading it. Who ever you are writing it about probably would love it if you gave it to them an anonymously. I think that you are a great poem writer. You should most deffinetly continue to write your poems. O just 1 more thing, I have noticed that all of your poems have theme and I think that the theme you have going is very great to inspire you to write.
Another one
ReplyDeleteHaunting me in my dreams
I try to run
But I cannot escape
The fire of HATE
Emanating from your eyes
as you scream at me
the icy phrases you do in real life
"I want to KILL you"
"I want you to DIE'
The words sting
But i bite back the tears and keep runnning
I decide to help you with your quest
I'll kill myself if it makes you smile
I step on the stool
Toss the rope around the branch
As I tie the noose
I hear your voice
"I want to KILL you"
I jump
The rope burns like my fiery heart
Which your froze with your hands of cold black sorrow
I sharpen the knife
Ready to feel the point of the blade
I hear your voice
"I just want you to DIE"
I stab
The blood gushes out as I sink to the ground
It foams in my mouth drowning me in red despair
I load the pistol
Point it at the side of my head
I hear your voice
"DIE DIE DIE"
I pull the trigger
What should have been an instant death is not
I have a second to think of your and all the pain you made me sufffer
But then I realize
There is no need
For all those dark designs
For just by looking at you
Your body,
Your smile, your eyes
I die a little bit inside
You are my murderDOLL
wow! amazing!
ReplyDeletePlease remember that when posting a comment about a poem, you want to be specific with your feedback (See Peer Editing in older posts for more information. Saying something is amazing is not as helpful as stating what worked well using specifics so the writer knows what s/he did that worked.
ReplyDeleteAre their any more poems to read? I love reading them!!
ReplyDeleteOh. my. goodness.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love "A Lifetime with you"
The writer has put a lot of emotional impact in this poem, happiness, and a tint of sorrow, able to melt the heart (corny line D:). Unlike most poems I have read so far, this one has a sad, adorable & protective tone to it, AND it`s kind of a happy ending (: The descriptive detail part really works well, as I can taste/sense/see this image created in my mind. Your poem has wow`d me to the point where I can`t think of any constructive critism, it looks perfect :D Excellent job, well done ! [x -claps-
@NeverGiveUp:
Your ambitious and determined feelings really got through to the reader (well. to me anyway) :D I like the way you used your metaphors effectively, like how the rope were your parents` trust & the swirling butterflies in your stomach. At the beginning, I got confused with the situation because all I could see was a person with a rope and a light, so I immediately mistook it for something else :S (maybe it was just me) but after re reading it, I understood (: Maybe it was the scene that kind of confused me, like where was the rope coming from, but that doesn`t need to be answered. Overall, I really liked the theme of your poem, very meaningful & something I could relate to as well. ^ ^
@MURDERDOLL
your poem absolutely rocked my socks. The vocabulary, the metaphors, the details were astonishing, adding more realism and impact to the messege of the poem. the image in my mind was just full of flames and hatred for some reason while I was reading this xD It sounds like the person in the poem is being tormented by a cursed voodoo full of fear, extremely original. The ending kind of surprised me, since I didnt expect that to happen. Your metaphors were the most powerful of all, like "The rope burns like my fiery heart
Which you froze with your hands of cold black sorrow" Holy cheesecakes, now THAT is something. I`m in no position to say this, but I think you`re really talented. Great job :3
For "A lifetime with you"
ReplyDeleteI think that the author of this poem is a great writer. I liked the section
"I see you,standing there
not knowing the truth
not knowing
that I love you
more than anything this world can offer
Knowing that you don't feel the same towards me
brings tears"
I thought that it had a lot of emotional impact and helped move the poem forward. I think that your poem has a lot of detail woven into it as well. I agree with the person above saying how they noticed how all your poems go along with the same theme. I agree, it works for your writing style. Overall I think that this poem is very good. Well done! Also Your other poems are good too!!
What I thought was good about the newest poem (a lifetime with you) was that it had lots of emotional impact. I think that the very best line in the poem is :I will do my best, to carry you
ReplyDeletehigher than the highest clouds: that was good because it gave a good image in my mind about how you feel about he or she. I think that you should keep on sending your good poems in so that people that enjoy them like me can read them. you have a lot of metafors in your poem as well.
As an author of 2 of those poems. I would really apreciate it if I knew who was commenting.
ReplyDeletethank you
the poem 'a life time with you' reminds me of the song 'tears drops on my guitar' that was the first thing that popped into my mind. where the main character (a girl) has a crush on some boy and he doesn't know about it and he likes someone else and all they can ever be is friends.
ReplyDelete(this is a song, but who cares..=])
ReplyDeleteGame Of Two
I instantly smile when you walk out the door,
I silently laugh when you slip on the floor.
But you'd never guess, cuz I'm keeping it low.
There's so many things that you don't need to know!
I'm highly aware that you're using me.
A victim for your little scamming spree.
You think you've got me chained,
But two can play that game...
Do you feel this sensation?
IT'S CALLED MANIPULATION!!
You're trapped, and you don't even know!
Just wait a bit longer,
My spell will grow stronger...
NOW DANCE!!! You're my puppet! LETS GO!!
When you let me know that you're traveling far,
I secretly hope you get hit by a car.
Or anything else, so you never come back.
Stop wasting your time, you know I won't crack!
I already know what you did today.
Keep thinking you took all my hope away...
You think you've got me chained,
But two can play that game...
Do you feel this sensation?
IT'S CALLED MANIPULATION!!
You're trapped, and you don't even know!
Just wait a bit longer,
My spell will grow stronger...
NOW DANCE!!! You're my puppet! LETS GO!!
You look into my eyes...
About to meet demise...
But you don't understand,
This madness has to end..
I never asked for this,
You made me break the peace...
When you leave me alone,
I promise, I'll let go......
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!
Do you feel this sensation?
IT'S CALLED MANIPULATION!!
You're trapped, and you don't even know!
Just wait a bit longer,
My spell will grow stronger...
NOW DANCE!!! You're my puppet! LETS GO!!
Do you feel this sensation?
IT'S CALLED MANIPULATION!!
You're trapped, and you don't even know!
Just wait a bit longer,
My spell will grow stronger...
NOW DANCE!!! You're my puppet! LETS GO...!!!!
[A Lifetime With You]
ReplyDeleteI really liked your poem and I thought it showed how much you care for this person that you are writing about. While I was reading your poem, I started to feel bad for you...I really like the ending of the poem and I thought your poem had a lot of detail in it. I also agree with the others that this theme of writing really works for you and you can show your emotion really well. I thought that this was one of your best poems that you've posted. Great job!! Keep writing!!!
ummmmmmm....i'm confused. that game of two thingy. it's a song?? couldn't you just right a poem? what i mean is, why did you pick this song to post, instead of writing about your feelings?
ReplyDeleteto whoever wrote 'a lifetime with you', i think it's an amazingly sweet poem. you poured so much feeling and thought into it. whoever the girl is that you wrote it for, she is a very lucky girl. makes me feel jealous.
ReplyDeleteHey I'm the author of "murderdoll" and "a lifetime with you". I'm working on a new poem. Those of you who actually read the poetry can expect a new one soon.
ReplyDeleteand thank you to all who leave comments. I really like reading your feedback.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i laughed sooo hard when i read it! It is sooo random!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you ever come up with a poem like that!!! and i almost forgot...feedback...... i think that ur poem is rearlly funny although it isnt free verse. but that is ok. it doesnt have much emotional impact to it or none at all but it is amusing. you should write another poem.
ReplyDeletefor the author of "a life time with you".
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading it lots. It has a TON of emotional impact within it. my favourite part in it was
"When you are happy
the world's greatest riches
can't bring me more joy
than to see you smile an angels smile"
I thought that it had good detail in it and I liked that part the best because it was very sweet and sincerer. This poem is my favourite poem. I also agree with Megan above that the part she said was good helped move the poem forward. And also Kelly's statement about it was helpful to. For your next poem you should talk about the girl, her appearence, her attitude towards you or what she does that makes you like her. So in conclusion to my GIANT STATEMENT! i would just like to say that you did a superb job!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteWHEN WILL THE NEW POEM BE UP ON THE BLOGGGGG!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat new poem? I have not as yet received a new poem in quite some time.
ReplyDeleteMM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous, glad to know you are still writing poetry!
ReplyDeleteThank you,
MM
Very nice poem. You did a good job with the detail. And poured lots of emotion into it. I think it would be really cool if you DID ID yourself. Then I would know who it is that is writing these wonderful poems. I agree with Ms. Minuk, I am glad to know you are still writing as well!! I can't wait for another poem! Please make another poem soon!
ReplyDeleteI just went to see if my comment on the new poem was up... and how come the poem is now Off the blog!!!?? I wanted to read it again as well.
ReplyDeleteBe patient... It's coming back. The author requested its temporary removal. It will be back before you know it! :)
ReplyDeleteWhere is the Friend?
ReplyDeleteWhere is the friend
the one I loved
The one who I shared so many good times with
So many smiles,your smiles as gorgeous as the sun
So much laughter,your laughs always made me smile
Are you ending our friendship
don't break my heart so
Where is the friend
the one who I could tell my deepest secrets
I would run to you with so much heartache
You would embrace me in the warmth of your arms
and my troubles would leave forever
Why do you treat me so?
You treat me like and enemey,a stranger
I would never hurt you
don't break my heart so
Where is the friend
the one I want back
I know you are out there
Please
listen to what I have to say
and know
that I am being sincere
Can we still be friends
don't break my heart so
From Kat
ReplyDeleteI Am A Drone
I stopped believing in the future
So many days came passing by
I'm not expecting them to help me
Those angels, watching from the sky
I am a drone
And nothing more
Just emptiness
Forevermore
Forsaken mind
No hope to find
My consciousness
Is turning blind...
Circle of hatred, it surrounds me
A slave of labor I've become
Stepped on, walked on, used up and tired
My body lives, my soul is gone
I am a drone
And nothing more
Just emptiness
Forevermore
Forsaken mind
No hope to find
My consciousness
Is turning blind...
How many times
ReplyDeletehave you thought of me
How many times
have you said my name
when was the last time
you spoke of me
when was the last time
you talked to me
Do you know when
you make me smile
Do you know when
you made me upset
have you ever
thought of me
have you ever
said my name?